So I wrote this entry on Facebook. I tagged people then realized that it goes all over the place so it would be better if no one were tagged. It was just one huge rant/compliment mess that goes around, but hey, I should be given some slack just because I was in the library on my break. And for your information I pulled an all nighter at the library and i actually GOT WORK DONE (as opposed to Monday's attempt).

So in the note I repeat things I've said before and I rant like there's no tomorrow. I also thank people. I think I was crazy that night.

OH, AND IF YOU HAVE SUGGESTIONS FOR CHEAP, GOOD QUALITY CAMCORDERS (If there's such a thing) I'LL APPRECIATE IT

Yeah so this is what I wrote:

Eh, so this is life.

I may be taking the second summer session here just because it can be a GPA booster. Seriously, I think I may need it. The cost to go here for the summer is almost the same as Stony Brook's but it's slightly more expensive. hmm... Anyway I don't want to blame my homesickness for my poor grades because it just seems like a kind of weakness. I guess it is a weakness that I tried to fight. Maybe I'm learning to handle it, but I can't be completely sure. I think I am. I mean, I freakin stayed in the library for like 18 hours from midnight on Monday to Tuesday. Now even though I didn't finish as much work I wanted, I was able to finish something. And you know, something is better than nothing, right? Anyway I wouldn't have been able to accomplish that if it were not for the library being open 24/7 this week. So in some way I'm kind of maturing. I'm sort of getting used to doing things on my own away from family... almost.

I think the problems began as soon as PCN started. I'm not blaming PCN, I mean, afterwards I'd be wide awake. I'd be able to do homework if I could, but the thing is that my dad would pick me up. And then when we would go home, I'd fall asleep. It's become something internal where I associate the house with rest. I can't work or focus there. I told my mom and dad. My mom dismissed my claims and said, "You have to learn to study wherever you are." My dad said, "Sleep on the weekends." Well the library is here, and I can focus there, so why not study there, right? As I said earlier my dad would pick me up after PCN practices, sometimes I'd tell him to pick me up later. During this time he would constantly text me asking me what time he should pick me up. I'd always text it to him. When the time would come for me to go to the library I'd just go home. I'd be tired of him asking me what time he should pick me up, so I'd just tell him to pick me up after rehearsals rather than after studying. I guess I really did want to go home after having these late classes and rehearsals. (and as I'm typing this people are making weird noises behind me). ugh. So that pretty much continued the whole semester. Not having a car pretty much contributed to this mess... and I feel pretty much useless..frail...weak for saying something like that. I don't know why, but I guess it's because I'm constantly depending on people for rides. (THANKS RONG, CHRISTINE, MARVIN, MIMI, Jennilee and everyone else who has given me a ride) I know they say they don't mind, but I just feel like it's a major inconvenience. I don't want to constantly rely on people when they can't rely on me in the first place. It's like wanting to pay back a debt. I don't know how I got on to this subject, haha.

Anyway I kind of feel homesick. I say kinda because I'm somewhat homesick, yet I'm not. Of course my home is back on Long Island, but I'm beginning to feel as if I'm home right now. I know quite a few people to make me feel like I belong, which is always nice and comforting, but I still feel like there's more that's missing and that can never be replaced...and that's back home...the home, home... the Port Jefferson Station/ Terryville (I'm actually from Terryville...and I don't know why but we still use Port Jefferson Station) home. Yeah so thanks everyone for making me feel like I have two homes! Woohoo!

I miss everyone. And sorry Comsewogue seniors, I won't be able to go to your graduation. Sorry Quartet, I won't be able to play viola for the gig (haha what was our name again? It was in spanish right? haha it was something weird, but the name escapes my memory! It always does...). And sorry to everyone else because I forgot what else I'm apologizing for.

I'm giving you all rides in my car if I ever get one XP

I think that's what I had to say...if not I'll edit this shit later. Tonight I study my ass off! woohoo. seriously..


Oh and this is a piece of the thing I put on Lauren's wall:

"I like your shoes!" -Person
"Thanks! You know, they were on sale. Speaking of sales, Aji won't be able to come back by June 20-something because he's a promise break[er] and he's taking a second summer session and he's lost his sanity." -You
"Oh nooos!" -Person

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